Losing My Religion Read online

  I laugh against his lips as I kiss him again. But he is right; I don’t know why I’m worried. My dad isn’t going to care about decorations. He’s coming to see me and Quinn, not a Christmas tree.

  Quinn disappears into the bedroom to get dressed, and I sink down onto the couch for a few moments of solitude before the festivities begin.

  I think back to my life just a year ago. Never would I have guessed that this is where I’d be today. I briefly wonder what Elder Fisher is doing today and how he’s feeling, this first Christmas away from his family.

  I wipe away the thoughts as quickly as they appeared, however, knowing he isn’t giving me a second thought. I’m sure he has a companion he can be proud of now, someone just like him who pushes him to be a better missionary. I’m glad for him. I’m happy he’s finally getting the experience he wanted and deserved.

  Just like I’m glad I’m finally living the life I was meant to.

  I say a silent prayer, thanking God for leading me through these past few months. It hasn’t always been easy. Leaving the church was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made and probably ever will make. But, when I hear Quinn shuffling through clothes in the bedroom, I know that every single moment of hardship has been worth it.

  God didn’t forsake me just because I happened to fall in love with another man. If anything, He blessed me. That man in the other room is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He shows me what it means to be loved. And to love someone else in return.

  And that…that is the real meaning of life.

  A knock sounds on the door, and I yell for whomever it is to come in, knowing it’s either my father or Judy K. The door opens, and my father steps inside, a Santa hat perched on his head and his arms laden with presents.

  “Ho, ho, ho,” he bellows. “I come bearing gifts.”

  I laugh as I move over to help him with the packages. “Dad, you shouldn’t have. We agreed, no gifts.”

  He waves his hand. “Like I’m going to listen to you. Besides, your biggest gift is out in the hall. It was too hard to wrap, so you’ll just have to act surprised when you see it.”

  Quinn comes out of the bedroom just as my father steps back out into the hall. “What’s he up to?” he asks, circling an arm around my waist.

  I lean over and give him a gentle kiss. “I have no idea. But I think we’re about to find out.”

  A soft, feminine throat clears behind me, and I turn, expecting to find Judy K watching my dad with humor and dismay as he maneuvers whatever it is he’s brought into the apartment.

  Instead, I’m dumbstruck.

  “Hello, Jaden. And you must be Quinn?” my mother says as she steps inside, Jenny following closely behind her.

  Quinn lunges forward, taking her hand in his as he introduces himself. He pulls her further inside, not batting an eye at the fact that my estranged mother is standing in our living room/bedroom.

  Her eyes never leave mine as she steps toward me.

  When Quinn finally releases her hand, she lifts her fingers, gently running them over my cheek. “I’ve missed you, Jaden. So much.”

  I pull her to me, crushing her body against mine in the tightest of hugs.

  And, when a soft sniffle sounds from over by the door, I lift my gaze, finding Judy wiping at her eyes as she stands with my father, Jenny, and Quinn.

  I take in the scene around me. My family, my surrogate grandmother, and the love of my life, all in the same room.

  No, God has not forsaken me. He’s given me the greatest gifts of all.

  A life worth living.

  A love that knows no bounds.

  And a happiness so great, it feels as if my heart might split in two.

  My eyes find Quinn’s from where he’s kneeling, his arms tentatively wrapped around Jenny’s shoulders. He winks at me, which only causes the fluttering in my chest to increase tenfold.

  I love you, he mouths, his lips turned up in that familiar smile.

  I love you doesn’t seem like enough to convey the way I feel for Quinn. He came into my life and turned it upside down in a matter of weeks. There will never be enough words to tell him how much I love and appreciate what he’s done for me. But I intend to spend the rest of my life trying.

  I love you, too. I smile back at him.

  It might not be enough. But it’s a start.

  And we’ve got nothing but time.

  THE END

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  * * *

  This book almost didn’t exist.

  When the idea came to me several years ago, I immediately squashed it down. I knew it would be a controversial topic and that certain members of my family, friends, and community would be displeased with me if I wrote it. I figured it would be in everybody’s best interests if I kept this story exactly where it was – in my head.

  But I couldn’t stop thinking about Jaden and Quinn. And as the topics of gay marriage, gay rights, and the LGBT community continued to swirl around the media, the two of them got louder and louder in my head. So one day, I sat down to write. I had to get their story down on paper, if only for my own sanity. I never intended for it to see the light of day. If it weren’t for a few people who convinced me otherwise, this book would still be hidden away on my laptop.

  So first off, I have to thank my husband. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me, even when you knew this was a risk. Thank you for your never-ending words of encouragement and love. Thank you for pushing me through to the end, even on days when I was convinced I couldn’t continue. I love you more than I can ever put into words.

  Thank you to Karin, Kate, Mae, Morgan, Stacy, Zeia, and the rest of the Manuscript Minxes. The advice and support you guys give me every day reminds me why I started writing again in the first place. I’m so lucky to have found you wonderful women.

  Thanks to Nichole and Amber, for always being my sounding board.

  Thanks to Judi Perkins at Concierge Literary Designs for bringing this story to life with this amazing cover. You rock.

  Thank you to Jovana Shirley, the best editor a writer could ever ask for!

  Thanks to Julie Deaton, the #1 proofreader in the business.

  Finally, thank you to my parents. Thank you for teaching me to love and accept everyone for exactly who they are. Growing up in the LDS church wasn’t always easy, and I often had questions. Thank you to my mom and dad for always encouraging me to discover things for myself. Thank you for supporting me, even if you didn’t always agree with my decisions.

  Reading time is so precious and limited, so I have to give one final thanks to you, dear reader. Thank you for spending some time with my characters. I hope you loved them just as I much I do. I hope this story touched some small part of your heart. I also want you to know that some of the very best people I’ve ever met have been Mormon. This story was in no way intended to bring down the members of the church. This was simply one man’s journey with his struggling faith. All experiences were based on real life, however, are in no way meant to be representative of the entire faith. There are sour grapes in every bunch, even when it comes to religion. If you have any questions about the things I have written, please feel free to reach out. My door is always open, so to speak.

  To anyone I may have missed, know that I am appreciative of your love and support. My brain is always mush whenever I finish writing a book, and someone inevitably gets left off the list. I hope you know that doesn’t mean I’m not appreciative. I’m just forgetful. I love and adore you all!

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  * * *

  A military brat growing up, A.S. Tucker now resides in Utah with her loving husband. When not writing, you’ll find her reading, binge watching Netflix, or drinking wine. Her three favorite things are animals, coffee, and Harry Potter, not necessarily in that order. She is the author of three other novels, published under a different pen name. She loves hearing from her readers, so please drop her a line!

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